duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
