I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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