kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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