he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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