Sponge bath it is.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
