she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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