So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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