I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
