Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
