I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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