This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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