By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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