Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
