There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
