I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
