Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
