I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
