im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
