the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
