I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
