ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize