she was so not down for the gang bang
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
