She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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