Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
