Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
