i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
