I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
