So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
