in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
