worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize