hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
