Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
