Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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