Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
