Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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