We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
