i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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