i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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