There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
