i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
