I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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