somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
