I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize