i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
