I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
