Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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