Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
