Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
