she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
