You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
