Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
