my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize