If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
