Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
