Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

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(586): View more from Michigan

Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers

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(727): View more from Florida

how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

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(817): View more from Texas

90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol

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(928): View more from Arizona

note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat

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(425): View more from Washington

Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...

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