I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
