i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
