he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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