She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
