Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
