I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
