GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
