he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
