hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
