Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
