im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
